Oh How My Ego Lies to Me...

Oh how my ego lies to me....png

Just earlier this week I wrote a blog post on the Relationship Center of Silicon Valley's website in regards to how the energetic closed sign has been up for the Center since about June of 2016. It felt raw, it felt vulnerable, and it felt as though admitting some sort of defeat or failure. And, one thing I have learned is to feel my fear and do it anyway. So, that's what I did.  

Then just 15 hours after hitting "POST", as I was working on cleaning up my QuickBooks from the past couple of months, I realized all of the things that I have been doing over the past 5 months (because the mindless exercise of sorting through receipts can enter one into a very reflective state lol). Not only have I been deep in a very internal process of my own, working with healing and transforming many of my own lessons, I've also still:

  • been seeing clients,
  • transitioned from one pre-licensed therapist on staff at the Center to another,
  • completed my Syntara System energy healing certification program
  • completed Reiki level 2
  • have been integratingand processing what these certifications mean for me and my business,
  • was interviewed as a guest on two separate podcasts,
  • was a guest on a telesummit,
  • facilitated a virtual class over the summer,
  • converted the content from the class into my very first ebook and self study course,
  • created, marketed and launched my first multi-day retreat in my role as an integrative healer, owning and standing in all my light,
  • booked 3 live speaking engagements outside of my usual one at Enchantations,
  • learning to use my voice in my personal life, 
  • launched my digital book, course, and other guided meditations,
  • and completely designed, developed and launched this website where you are reading this blog right now.


Doesn't sounds to me like the energetic closed sign has been up at all!

And that's when I realized once again, that the ego is a super sneaky little one.

Marianne Williamson and A Course in Miracles, among many other spiritual teachings, teach us that the ego speaks first and the ego speaks loudest. The ego also likes to tell us stories in order to keep us small, separate, and in our suffering.

Now you see, before I had the idea that it was an energetic closed sign that was up for our business, which was an awareness I received last week after I recognized myself in a thought pattern of "well, no wonder clients aren't pounding down our doors, this is deep work we do here and people aren't ready for the level of depth we offer at the Center," (which I thankfully realized was a lie 5 minutes after I had the thought). It was that original thought I had believed was my ego thought. Then the thought shifted to "well it's been our energetic closed sign which has been keeping clients away" (what a LIE!).

You see, that ego is such a trickster that for a whole week I believed this to be true, and I even created a very public post in regards to this, until yesterday, less than 24 hours after I publicly shared what seemed like such a raw and vulnerable post, I realized even the story about the energetic closed sign is an ego illusion.

The truth is I have actually been working my butt off laying the foundation of all of the different services that I offer, both as an individual, and through the services we offer at the Relationship Center of Silicon Valley. The truth is, my ego wanted me to believe otherwise, because if I realized the truth that I've actually been working hard, my ego wouldn't have the ammunition to tell me how much I suck and what a failure I am and how I should stop doing what I'm doing to help people heal and go back to find a "real job" because who do I think I am anyway? Because my ego's illusions would then be busted and it would be no more. The ego fears annihilation, so to bust through the ego's illusions lead to its demise. It doesn't want that. 

And so that, my friends, is an example and how our ego lies to us in order to keep up in our illusions.