Last night as I laid in bed next to my partner I had an unsettling feeling and couldn't bring myself to sleep. All of the comparisonitis I had been shoving to the side since Friday came rushing up to the surface.
"Babe, do you ever get jealous of others?" I asked him.
"Of course I do," he replied, and then shared with me his views.
In talking it out together I was able to recognize, my comparisonitis was stemming from the fact that I was measuring my journey based on other peoples' paths (or "maps" as my partner called them).
My partner asked me what inspired me to enter the social work profession, and I said to him, "To help children have better lives."
And then it hit me on a whole new level:
All of the work that I do in the world today helps children have better lives because I don't address the children directly, I address those who have the greatest power and impact on children: the adults in their daily lives.
Back when I was working with children I absolutely LOVED the work that I did. And, unless parents consistently attended sessions with their children (which was pretty rare in the non-profit world), it took a lot of time and effort to help the children feel better on a consistent, long-term basis because they would go home to the same dysfunction that had brought them in in the first place.
When I started my private practice, I thought I would work with ages 10 and up. Of course, the requirement for kids and teens was that family participation was mandatory.
Overtime, however, my work evolved, and I worked less and less with kids and more and more with women. Women who were married, women who were single, women who were mothers, women who wanted to be mothers. Women who were medical professionals. Women who were educators. Women who were social workers. Women whose jobs were wife and mom.
I told myself that I worked with their inner children (which is true) and that was how I worked with children today.
It didn't hit me until last night when I was in the depths of my comparisonitis that in reality, I help children by helping the adults around them heal.
Terry Real has a quote I adore, "Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames. That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow."
I am that person. And so are the women I serve.
So, the next time your find yourself in comparisonitis, allow yourself to follow it through until you get to the gift of what your comparisonitis is here to teach you.
If you are a woman who is also here to courageously face the fire and heal the patterns that have haunted you and your family for generations, then reach out to me and schedule your Get Acquainted Call today.